A Grandfather Remembered

My disclaimer, this might be the most scattered post I've ever written, I was planning to edit it more, but my thoughts on the subject are too scattered to sort out.

My grandfather, Bucky O'Connor, passed away last Thursday. Grandpa was a good man. A kind, quiet sort of man. An Irish Catholic. A Veteran, a hard worker, and a volunteer. A family man. Grandpa lived a long full life that is to be celebrated even while we mourn his loss. My thoughts have turned to remembering him as he was. He would always sit in his chair with the game on (he loved baseball). He loved peanut butter cookies. He enjoyed going to breakfast at Chris' Restaurant on the lake. He loved Ireland and took pride in his Irish heritage. I remember how he would carve the turkey on Thanksgiving and never scolded us for sneaking pieces before he finished. He always had bird feeders in his back yard and loved watching the birds come to eat. When I was a child he would always man the grill during summer cookouts.
I flew home to Ohio for his funeral last week. I am glad I went, but it was a difficult few days. I didn't go because I felt like I needed to attend the funeral, I went because I wanted to be there with my family. I know my grandfather is now in heaven, and I am very much at peace with that. The hard part is seeing grandma without grandpa by her side. She had a quiet look on her face most of the time, she had little to say, just sat back and watched everyone else interacting around her. I can't imagine what she was going through. During the funeral, Rev. Divis mentioned how it was always "Bucky and Betty" and how they were always together, and it really is true. They fell in love when they were young, and then married and grew old together. I remember my grandma telling me how their families used to live on opposite sides of a duplex when she was younger. There was a smudge on the wall and her mother couldn't figure out why it kept reappearing. Turns out it was a makeup smudge, left where grandma would lean her head on the wall as she talked to grandpa through the air vent. They were a great couple, they loved each other and they treated each other well. 
It was a nice funeral, and I think Grandpa would have been happy with how it turned out. A family friend, Anna Wells, started the service by singing "Danny Boy" (grandpa requested this song) as we said our final good byes. Rev. Divis led the mass and said a few nice things about grandpa. The men in my family served as pall bearers. Bag pipes played as we left the church and as we arrived at the cemetery (also requested by grandpa). Final thoughts were shared, and prayers prayed. My mother, being the only Latter Day Saint in her family, wanted the grave to be dedicated by an LDS priesthood holder, and the reverend allowed it to be done during the service. My brother, David, offered a beautiful dedication prayer. Grandpa received a military burial with a gun salute, and the flag and the bullet shells were presented to my grandmother. Amazing Grace was played on the bag pipes, more tears shed, and it was over.
The days were a mixture of emotions; tears and sorrow mixed with smiles and laughter. Our loss may have brought us all together but we found joy and peace in each others company.
The most difficult part for me was dropping grandma off on Sunday night after a family dinner. Leaving her alone in that quiet house broke my heart. She said it was finally starting to hit her. But she wanted to stay there alone and I think she probably needed time by herself to grieve in her own way. She will be alright. I'm sure she will miss her Bucky every day for the rest of her life, she will not get over the loss, but she'll be okay.

Grandma (90) and Grandpa (94), October 2011, 2 months before his passing.

One last thought of my grandfather. Many years ago my mother told me this little snippet about her father. When she was a child, they loved playing baseball in the yard. I think they played often enough that they wore a baseball diamond into the grass. Grandpa didn't worry about the lawn though, he would say "I'm growing kids, not grass." He allowed them to be children and didn't worry about having the perfect yard. As Darin and I have struggled to grow grass this past fall, I have remembered his words. I want the grass to come in strong and thick and I've countless times told  the children to stay off of it. But I need to remember the lesson of my grandfather; I'm growing kids, not grass. Or walls, or carpet, or anything that I might get uptight about when it comes to my home. My kids will always be more important than those things and if the kids break or damage or ruin something, it's okay. Thank you, gramps, for teaching my mother that lesson so that I could grow up in a house that grew kids, and for the reminder to me so that my children can also live in a kid-growing house.
Love you, Grandpa.

Edward M. "Bucky" O'Connor (1917-2012)

LORAIN - Edward M. "Bucky" O'Connor, 94 of Lorain passed away peacefully Thursday, January 12, 2012 at Mercy Regional Medical Center following a brief illness.
Mr. O'Connor was born in Lorain on June 17, 1917, the son of the late William and Catherine O'Connor. He was a graduate of St. Mary's High School. An US Army veteran of World War II, he earned the American Theater Ribbon, Asiatic-Pacific Theater Ribbon, Philippine Liberation Ribbon, the Good Conduct Medal and the World War II Victory Medal.
He was a devoted member of the St. Mary Church, now known as Mary Mother of God Parish. He served as an usher, Eucharistic minister and an Altar server.
Mr. O'Connor worked as an outside shipper-railroad engineer for US Steel, for 43 1/2 years retiring in 1983. He was also a volunteer at St. Joseph's Hospital in the emergency room for many years. He was a member of Hibernia and a life member of American Legion Post 30.
He was avid Cleveland Indians Baseball fan [I (Kate) have to add this correction, he watched the Indians, but he was a Red Sox fan], enjoyed model trains, fishing, and most of all spending time with grandchildren.
Mr. O'Connor is survived by his wife of nearly 68 years Betty J. (nee Cook) O'Connor, daughters, Linda J (Kenneth) Bruderer of Lorain, Karen A. (Brian) Stawicki of Amherst, grandchildren, David (Patricia) Bruderer, Keri (Tyler) Keith, Melissa (Curtis) Nielsen, Kathleen (Darin) Herzoff, Daniel (Jessica) Bruderer, Brian (Amber) Bowers, Steven (Ashley) Bowers, Victoria Stawicki, Sabrina Stawicki, Jacob Stawicki, 10 great grandchildren, a sister Mary Wright of Lorain and several nieces and nephews.
In addition to his parents, he was preceded in death by a son Dennis O'Connor in 1984, brothers, William O'Connor, and Robert O'Connor.
Friends may call on Friday, January 13, 2012 from 4-7 p.m. in the Schwartz, Spence, Boyer & Cool Home For Funerals, 1124 W. 5th Street, Lorain.
Additionally, friends may call on Saturday, January 14, 2012 in St. Mary Church, now known as Mary Mother of God Parish, corner of Eighth & Reid Avenues, Lorain from 10:30 am until The Mass of Christian Burial at 11:00 am. Rev. Daniel O. Divis, pastor, will officiate.
Burial will follow at Ridge Hill Memorial Park Cemetery, Amherst Township with full military burial rights provided jointly by the American Legion Post 30 and the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 451.
The family suggests that memorial contributions may be made to American Cancer Society , North Regional Office, 10501 Euclid Ave., Cleveland, Ohio 44106-2204 or Mary Mother of God parish, 710 Seventh Street, Lorain, Ohio 44052.