Another First Day

My babies went back to school today. I swear this is the shortest summer we've had yet. In reality, I think we started a week later than we normally do. This was a hard year for me to send my kiddos back for 2 main reasons reasons:

7th grade, age 12.

#1, Jr. High. How is my kid in Jr High? This is not sitting well with me at all. I'm scared for my little man in that huge school. I'm scared of those 7th grade girls who are taller than I am and wear too much makeup on their already beautiful faces. I'm scared for bullies and 9th graders and challenging school work. I'm scared for a busy gymnastics schedule that will take away from homework time, and more importantly, family time. I'm scared for my son to feel as scared and alone as I did when I went to Jr. High (although he has the advantage of knowing kids from his previous schools, I transferred to a school away from my childhood friends, and for a shy girl that was pretty much terrifying). I'm scared for my baby to be growing up so very fast. Where did the last 12 years go? I have joked about my kids being half grown, but in reality, Calin is now 2/3rds grown. In 6 short years he will be an adult and head out into this big scary world alone. Can this not happen, please? I'm not ready, and I'm certainly not grown up enough myself to have a child who has reached this stage of life. Please someone, rewind the clock and take me back to those years of diapers and car seats that felt so endless at the time but have proven to be fleeting.
Jr High. Nope. Not ready.

4th grade, age 9.

#2, Naiya. This sweet sensitive girl has given me much anxiety this summer. She is headed into 4th grade, the last year of elementary school. That should be an easy transition, the oldest grade in the school she's been at for 5 years, and the school where I work. But Naiya was not handling it well, and even before 3rd grade ended she was voicing her concerns about next year. To make matters worse, she was assigned to a teacher she really didn't want. I tried to get her teacher changed in May, but the principal said no, wait until fall. I think he was hoping it would blow over and by fall we'd have moved on. But we didn't move on. Instead, Naiya has had a lot of anxiety and several breakdowns over the summer. That led to a lot of sleepless nights for me while I anxiously tried to figure out how to help her not feel so anxious. So it was a rough summer when it came to that subject. Finally at the end of the summer I figured out a few of Naiya's concerns. Calin had told her how much homework you get in 4th grade and since she's a slow worker, she's been very worried about getting it done with enough time to play and relax. The bigger concern she had was being able to do the work, she didn't feel smart enough for 4th grade. Once I explained to her that she would be starting where she left off in 3rd grade and learning from there, she has felt much better. How I wish I would have figured out her issues in the spring and saved us some heartache.
The teacher thing was it's own separate issue though, neither of us felt good about it, it just wasn't sitting right. I'm sure that teacher is great (I don't know her) but something was wrong and I just couldn't put my finger on it. So when I went in to register her last week I made a final plea on her behalf and got her into the teacher she wanted, the same teacher Calin had, which comforted her because that teacher already knows our family. I don't understand the logic behind that reasoning since she's never had the same teacher as Calin, but I understand seeing logic in illogical situation, so I accept her reason as valid. This also happens to be the same class all her friends are in, but strangely, she says that doesn't matter, she would have wanted that teacher even if her friends weren't in there.
It was an easier week once her class got switched, for her at least. I've been fretting over it. I don't like to make a fuss over those kinds of things. I didn't want to change her teacher because it would be an inconvenience to the school, and because I didn't want to be that crazy demanding mother. Plus, what if I made the wrong choice? Should I have trusted the system and the teacher she was assigned to? I don't mind putting my kids into situations that challenge them because I see the benefit of that kind of growth, but this one seemed to push Naiya past her limits so I had to step up and fight for her. School needs to feel like a safe environment at this tender age, I want her to have one more year of security before she hits middle school, that will be hard enough to deal with.


So the kids are at school and now I sit here alone in my quiet house wondering and worrying about them. Naiya skipped breakfast because her stomach felt weird (her stomach feeling weird became quite normal over the summer). I hope she didn't regret that choice an hour into the morning. I hope she's happy with her class. I hope her teacher wasn't too put out by our last minute change, and doesn't hold it against us. I hope Naiya comes home with a smile and not full of fear for the new year.
I'm worried about Calin having enough time to get back and forth across the school with his locker at the far end away from most of his classes. I worry about him making good friends and good choices. I hope he has the right info on which bus will bring him home. I hope he isn't too tired since he had his first temple trip last night that kept him out late so he didn't get into bed until 10.
This is my normal routine for the first day of school. I always plan to get so much done, but in the end I usually spend all day worrying. Then when afternoon hits, as it has now, I realize I've accomplished nothing and set off to the kitchen to whip up a batch of cookies. Warm cookies welcome them home and entice them to sit with me and tell me all about their day so I can finally put my worried mind at ease. So if you'll excuse me, I have some baking to do and will update about how their day went later.