Feeling Nostalgic.

A friend posted some old photos on facebook and they take me back to a time in my life I can barely remember, 10 years ago when I was a senior in high school. I was so young back then, so silly thinking I had life all figured out. My plan at 17 was to finish high school, spend 2 years at Ricks awaiting my missionary, then marry, have kids, and live happily ever after.
I did finish high school and spend 2 years at Ricks. The guy part changed a bit. The missionary and I called it quits about halfway into his mission and the next thing I knew Darin was sweeping me off my feet.
It was the beginning of my sophmore year of college. At this point I had sworn off boyfriends. It seemed to me that since the time I was 13 I constantly had a boyfriend at my side. Most of them were losers completely wrong for me, but there were a few decent ones in the mix. Anyway, with the missionary breakup still fresh and my heart with another guy miles away unwilling to commit before his mission, I had sworn off boyfriends. I decided that since I was a college student I was going to date like a college student (mind you an LDS college student), just for the experience of it without all the heartache that comes with breakups. I wanted to give myself time to figure out who I was without the influence of a guy around. My plan was to spend a few years worrying about me.
Have you seen Runaway Bride? I was very much like Maggie Carpenter. She defined herself by her relationships and pretty much just went along with the guys not really stopping to figure out who she was. How she liked her eggs was an ongoing theme in the story. Each ex-fiance claimed she liked her eggs exactly as he did. Towards the end of the movie she sits down with all the different kinds of eggs to taste them all and as it turns out, she really only likes one kind. She finally finds herself and figures out what she wants.
Anyway, I was alot like this. I liked what my boyfriends liked, listened to their music, watched their movies, went to their favorite places, and that is how I defined myself. And so with each boy I was a new version of me. And so I got to that point in college that I knew I needed to just be me for a while and let go of those boys and those expectations.
And would you know as soon as I came to this conclusion there in my kitchen stood a freshly returned missionary. And being that I was done with the boyfriend thing and trying the dating thing, I turned on the flirting. And believe me, he flirted right back. That was pretty much the beginning of the end. We fell fast and hard for each other. I did still have those 2 boys in the back of my mind though and was determined to stick to my plan of not committing. However, Darin does not give up easily and very early in our relationship he cut ties with another girl b/c he was ready to commit to me. I told him I had no intention of having a boyfriend and he assured me he was still going to treat me like his girlfiend and be committed to me until I was ready. The nerve of some men!
It worked though, my heart melted. He was charming and loveable and we had so much fun together. And I was still me. I did refuse to be his girlfriend, for 2 months at least. And then like a slap in the face I knew he was the one, I didn't even realize I was in love with him until I knew I was supposed to marry him. A little backwards yes, but that's just the way I roll. And so I went straight from being non-committal to being his fiance. I guess technically I did stick to my word and never did become his girlfriend.
While dating he lived an hour away and I'd count down the days and hours until I'd get to see him on the weekends (I was pretty pathetic that way). And more than anything I just wanted to be with him and spend all my time with him. Not b/c I needed him or couldn't figure out who I was without him, but b/c I genuinely adored his company and felt empty without him.
Sophmore year ended and we got married and got pregnant and I became a stay at home mom. And this is where I've been ever since. It works though. I still don't get to enjoy his company half as often as I wish I could, but he comes home to me every night so I really can't complain.
10 years ago my 17 year old self never could have imagined loving someone so much. Never could I have dreamed what my children would be like nor who I would become.
Time moves all too quickly and before I know it another 10 years will come and go and all I'll have are photos and memories to look back on and remember this time. This point in my life, raising small children and blabbing to a blog, will be a distant memory, if it's a memory I have at all.
I do hope that when I'm in another nostalgic moment like this that I can look at old photos and smile as I did today, genuine smiles for the memories created and love for the people who have come into and out of my life at the season when I needed them. I hope to look back at my life and the expectations I had, and just as I feel now, I hope that I again feel proud of myself and happy with how things have turned out. And if I'm real lucky, I'll still be living my happily ever after.